Videos are Elusive, Beating people up, and Materialism

All those videos I was planning on putting up?

My lighting design (which I have yet to see)?
My stage combat fight (which was really weird to watch?)

Yeah, they're elusive.  I can't figure out how to format my videos to load anywhere, and the link to my Lighting Design posted on youtube hasn't happened from my professor yet, so my poor little blog is empty.  :(  Booooo.

Stage Combat class kicked my ass.  It was great- I learned a lot of techniques, I learned that I will NEVER be a stunt person (not that that is a huge shock to anyone who knows me...)  But I worked my butt off, and had a lot of fun in the process.  Physically and mentally demanding.  Finding a balance between character, motivation, scene requirements, safety, and the illusion of fighting...  Tough stuff.

Today in Theatre TLC (Theory, Literature, and Criticism) (aka TH511) we began class talking about MATERIALISM.  Basically, "money makes the world go 'round."  (Thanks Cabaret.)  Everything we do is motivated by commodities, even art and culture.  Yesterday, someone brought up the fact that a LOT of people are starting their own theatre companies, which led me to link to this article .

It all comes down to money.  A Theatre has to be sustainable, and to maintain a theatre, you need an audience.  Publicity costs money, or at least it used to.  But now, with things like Facebook and YouTube, cou can basically advertise for free, or at least for less money than taking out ad space or mailing postcards, etc etc...  So with the advent of the internet, and being able to promote shows for less of an investment, is that leading to the sudden boom of theatre companies?  Does that have something to do with it?  Why NOW is there this sudden influx?  Is this sudden theatre explosion watering down the quality of theatre?  Or is it diminishing the audience of other theatres?

Materialism.
I have a feeling this has turned into a stream of consciousness.

On the flip side, we need to have money in order to support ourselves, but sometimes the element of a job or of a profession (which leads to making money, supporting one's self) inherently makes us dread (or at least wear out) in our profession.  I love working with kids.  I love teaching.  But some days I dread going to work.  At work, I think that most people to some degree become cynical, jaded, frustrated...  Why?

I can head to the theatre after work and be completely rejuvenated by going there...  because I'm choosing to do what I love.  But my friends who work there are worn out, ready to leave work...  but they're making a LIVING doing what they love.  I wonder if I were to ever get a job in a theatre if I would wear out on work simply because it's "work"...  even though it's work that I love.  I could volunteer in a theatre for HOURS, and have spent 6-8 hours (a work-days worth) AFTER a day at work and been completely happy.  What's the difference?  How does the lack of a monetary incentive make it better?  (Does it make it better?)  My theatre friends could leave work (tired of being at work, ready to leave work) and go to ANOTHER theatre to volunteer their time or do something of their own volition WITHOUT a monetary incentive, be doing basically the same type of work and not be jaded or frustrated, etc... by that.  What's the difference?  Is this the flip side of materialism?

You seek out employment, and if you're lucky enough to get hired to do something you're passionate about, why does getting paid for it seem to suck some of the enjoyment out of that?  Is it because you're working for a higher authority and don't have complete freedom?

Anyway...  Materialism.  Yeah...

In a couple days in 511, I have to do a role-play presentation of Zora Hurston.  She's awesome-- I like reading her essays and her life story is really interesting.  She's all about creating a theatre of and for the black community...  Sooo... I'm going to be playing a black woman who believes that white people who try to usurp (??- that might not be the exact right word, but my brain is fried and it's the best I can do) performance styles or elements of African-influenced performance can never succeed in re-creating them because they don't know what it's like to be black.  I have to try and accurately portray this woman that, in her thinking, I would never be able to portray because I don't understand what it's like to be her.  Does this make the whole project futile?  I also feel like I'm going to come across as racist, which is distracting me from the research a little bit.  


Grad school is fun.  (that statement is partially sarcastic, and partially serious...)


...We're roasting marshmallows at Wine at Nine tonight.
7 days of class after today.
Home one week from tomorrow.
Have to get ready for class now.


If you made it this far, congratulations!!!  


Here's my final presentation from Stage Combat, which magically worked when I tried to upload it.  This is by no means a final, polished stage production, but a work in progress.

and here's a picture of a pretty sunset as viewed from outside my apartment.

I survived musical theatre!!!!!!

I survived my presentation! I felt (of course) relieved that I had gotten through it without passing out, throwing up, or having any other sort of adverse physical or mental effects on myself or anyone else...  And I felt GOOD about it, which was one of the last things I was expecting.  It's a pretty cool emotional high to go through that growth (in less than two weeks).  Last week (a week and a half ago?) I was so petrified that I could barely produce sound singing "O What A Beautiful Morning" in front of people with the notes being plunked out on the piano as I sang.  Not the whole song mind you-- just those 5 words.  Today, I got up in front of my class, sang JASON ROBERT BROWN with insanely ridiculous accompaniment, and brought the story and character to life.  And I felt PROUD of my performance.  (Relief too.  Lots of relief...)  It's a pretty cool high.


The song I directed I am really proud of also.  I worked with my actor on accessing the emotion of the piece, which was especially difficult for him, being very different from the character he was portraying.  I'm really proud of his performance, and I think he was really happy with the direction I gave him.  He said I asked all the right questions, so I'm feeling really good about my process as well.


The thing about this class is that it made me realize how CHALLENGING musical theatre is.  I'm really glad I had the opportunity to experience the actor side of it--  that's something I don't think I ever would've done on my own.  I have a better understanding about the depth that musical theatre has the potential to harness, and know how to better access it to allow the audience to empathize with the characters, understand the story, and buy into the whole presentational aspect of musical theatre which can be so distancing.  I feel more comfortable with using the music in the score to help tell the story, and using those clues musically to figure out what's going on with the character at given points in the score...  It makes me really excited to start to really dig into my thesis and figure things out.

I'm about to go in and record my cues for my final lighting design project.  Video (hopefully) to come after my presentation.  We had to select a piece of music to use to design our lights for, and I'm really happy with the music I edited (not perfect, but with the time crunch I had, I cut a nearly 5 minute song down to 2 minutes, which I'm shocked I was able to do and keep the story intact...)  I also added a soundscape layer of effects that really help tell the story of the music piece that I chose.  We'll see what happens when I go to record!!!  Now to go get into a lighting designer mental space...  The person cueing before me is learning how to use the techno-beams (which are movable, programmable intelligent lights) and I hope to use them in my design as well!!!

More to come later... 

Surviving Musical Theatre

I sang.

I survived.

Some might say I did well.

The thing that our Musical Theatre Directing professor (who is a brilliant, highly accomplished, nurturing professional, and she doesn't take crap from anyone) is driving home is that Musical Theatre isn't this whole big show, performance "jazz hands" kind of art that people assume it is.  I absolutely buy into this ideal.  Not to say that there's no place for jazz hands...  but the quote she said today really kind of puts her ideal into perspective: "Musical Theatre isn't singing...  It's feeling on pitch."  She keeps telling us that it's about having the audience empathize with you...  Just sympathize with the character, and I think that's a very important distinction.  The whole point of these characters singing their feelings is that they've run out of words...  the music is there to heighten the emotion...  It adds depth where words just can't do enough.  Our voices are so deeply connected to who we are, and you really have to go to some really deep (dark?) places to access that emotion and not perform it for the audience, but to really access it, feel it, and make the audience feel it along with you.  The singing breathes life into the songs.  Pretty crazy awesome stuff.  


Anyway, the song I have to sing (I think I posted it before) is "I'm Still Hurting" from The Last 5 Years by Jason Robert Brown.  It's ridiculously difficult music...  written in 9/8 time signature, very few of my notes that I sing are in the accompaniment, lots of words, blah blah blah...    It's the opening number to the show, and my character's husband has just left her, seemingly out of the blue.  The structure of the musical is really cool...  It's all done through song, and my character tells her story of the relationship from the end and goes backwards to the beginning, while the male character tells his story of the relationship from the beginning to the end, and they cross in the middle.  I *love* the song, it's absolutely beautiful.  But...  me being me, having a terrible time getting out of my head and just singing the emotion of the piece without worrying about the words.


Without going into all the gory boring details of the hour or so we spent workshopping it this morning...  I sang through it once as we had rehearsed, and then Terri (my prof) walked us through some exercises to try and access the emotion and really pushed for me to delve into those "dark, uncomfortable places" to access the emotion of the song.  Not to perform the emotions, but to really access them and feel them onstage.  While I'm very positive I probably missed all the notes, it didn't really matter, because the emotion was there, and raw, and accessible to the audience, and THAT was really cool.  I'm not usually a crier, but there were tears (I think I cried through a lot of the song) and there were some in the audience too.  (Not that I like to make my friends cry, but you know...  acting.)


This is NOT a performance class.  This is a directing class.  So it's not about doing well, or being able to sing, or any of that.  But going through the difficulty of being pushed to do something that scares the living bejeezus out of me will be really helpful when I'm going through a lot of the same trials with my students, especially if singing is NOT their thing.  We've seen different techniques, tried and felt different things...  And will see more as we workshop more songs in class...  so I'm looking forward to it.  Now that i have my workshop out of the way, (as well as the workshop for the song I'm directing) some of the pressure is off, and i can really watch without being distracted or nervous about my own workshop.


We still have to direct and rehearse with our directors, and still have final performances of our songs on Saturday (when the session is over,) so there's that looming...  but now that I'm over the hurdle, that should be slightly less intimidating (but still scary as hell...)


And NOW...  I'm off to go out to dinner and go bowling with the rest of the people in the program.  Tomorrow is our first day off since getting here, and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of the half-weekend that we have!  We're going to see a melodrama in CleElum, and go see the fireworks in Ellensburg tomorrow.  And I've turned off my alarm clock.  SLEEPING IN!!!!!!!  It will be great!

Quick (or not so quick?) update.

Life is busy...  but life is good.

The program is in flux, so it feels like there are a lot of unanswered questions and important "things to do" hanging out in the open, buzzing in front of my face like flies I just can't shoo away.  But I'm starting to slowly blast those suckers down!

TH502 is the Intro to the Creative Project.  (Something I should be working on right now, but just can't bring myself to do at this moment.  I need a brain break.)  The class is over (we reviewed so much information about what goes into the thesis binder, how it's organized, etc etc...)  In this class, we are preparing a draft of the first section of our Thesis Project Binder.  There's a lot of paperwork that goes into this (your course of study, project approval form, all sorts of crazy forms and explanations to fill out.)  Some of these papers go to multiple people/offices for filing, so it reminds me of being stuck in a paper tornado.  I'm plugging my way through and have a lot done, but still have to re-read and comb through the script for details so I can create a suggested rehearsal schedule and fill out the project approval form that details a lot of the technical requirements of the script.  It's crazy to do this for something that's 2 years out, but whatever...  I'm jumping through hoops, but then at least I'll have a frame of reference that I can shuffle around when the time comes to actually DO IT.  The good thing about this is that it's a DRAFT and things CAN and WILL change.

Part of Section One refers to your committee...  Who's going to be your project chair and actually read, give feedback, and grade your production...  Who's going to fly out and watch the production, etc etc.  And then preferencing the other members of the committee who also read your project, watch the recorded production, and take part in your oral exam as well.  Today, I preferenced my committee, and it was assigned.  I'm really happy with the results.  (Not necessarily exactly what I requested, but I think it will be a balanced committee and I really like and respect each of the people on it.)

I ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING!!!

Musical Theatre has been going well except for the singing part.  (If my professor read the previous sentence, she would kill me!)  I *love* the Professor.  She's been working professionally in musical theatre and singing since she was 14.  She's amazing--  passionate, kind, receptive, intuitive, nurturing, but also challenges us.  I'm petrified of singing in front of people alone.  I can do it in a group, but when I get up there by myself, it's like a deer in the headlights.  Part of this course is directing a classmate in the performance of a ballad.  (AKA- MY WORST NIGHTMARE).  But Terri (the prof.) teaches you how to sing for musical theatre (completely different from choral singing) and really works with you to make sure that you're protecting your voice, and gives a lot of really great advice on correcting your singing to maintain that style.  Singing by myself was freaking scary.  I almost couldn't produce sound.  But everyone in the class is really supportive and kind, and I'm hoping to get over my fear (at least a little bit.)  In ten days, I will be performing "I'm Still Hurting" from The Last 5 Years by Jason Robert Brown.

I'm Still Hurting (via YouTube

Holy crap.  Expectations much?  It will happen.  It's just that HUGE MONSTER HURDLE that is my mental attitude/fear/etc. of singing in front of people.  I don't know how to get over that...  But I'm going to work my damndest to make it happen.

In an ideal world, I'd like to come out of this class (beyond being able to direct musical theatre, which is the true aim of the course) having the confidence to be able to go out and audition for a musical.  Just a chorus role, though.  Baby steps.  :)

I started Lighting Techniques today in the afternoon class (taking the spot of Intro to The Creative Project) and the Professor (who also happens to be my program advisor) is really awesome as well.  She's also on my thesis committee.

...Speaking of thesis, I should probably get back to work on section one.

Hello, 2012!

So...  I just realized how long it had been since my last post.  Dead Man's Cell Phone...  really?!? When I look back at it, coming off the grad program last summer and doing that show was really a defining moment for me as a theatre artist.  I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  I've been pretty busy...

So, to recap the theatre of the year, post Cell Phone, I:

-directed Without Strings: children's show with Honors Drama.
-assistant directed Rent at MST
-led the Honors class in writing original scenes about different historical figures and events of the War of 1812 and traveled to local elementary schools to perform
-played Celia in As You Like It
-directed The Music Man at RSHS, amidst all sorts of drama, understudies, developing carpel tunnel  syndrome in the process
-assistant directed CAGTASM at MST
-performed a reading of My Name is Rachel Corrie at MST (another profoundly moving, eye-opening experience simply because of the history and nature of the piece...)
-directed Night Chills with Honors Drama, a collection of 4 Poe stories.  (Lots of fun--  lots of stage blood!)
-worked on helping develop Storefront Theatre (with some of the best people to work with in the theatre that I know!) to bring professional theatre and children's theatre to Cecil County and the surrounding areas
-stage managed Cabaret at MST
-left for school.

Wow, that's a lot...
Yeah, that pretty much sums up my year.  (besides, you know, teaching theatre full time...)

So, as I sit here in my room, desperately trying not to cave into the desire to take a nap (as I am still kind of jet lagged...  and by kind of I mean EXHAUSTED!), I am anxiously awaiting the start of classes tomorrow, and excited for the welcome back picnic at Scott's house (the head of the department).

The program has been kind of restructured, and it feels like things are in a state of flux.  The schedule for this summer was changing as recently as a couple weeks ago, so that leaves me a little anxious to be in some of these classes, most notably TH502: Intro to the Creative Project; and Musical Theatre Directing.  (Both of which start tomorrow...)

TH502 makes me nervous because my thesis is still 2 years off...  and I can barely think about next year, let alone plan one of the most important shows I will direct in the near future.  But I guess it will be good to get a jump start on planning and go in with a solid foundation.  I'm really excited about the show I've chosen, and just hope that the show is approved.  I have no backup plan if it's not.

Musical Theatre directing makes me nervous because we have to direct and BE IN each other's scenes. The directing part I'm fine with.  Try to get me to sing in front of people and I shake.  Literally.  I might consider the class a success if I don't throw up all over my classmates.  I've heard wonderful things about the professor though, so that's slightly eased my nerves.

I'm also taking Theory/Criticism/Literature, Lighting Methods, Stage Combat, and Costume Methods.  (I like to be busy: proof right here in this post!)

There are lots of things I'm already missing from back home...  friends, my fat cats, seeing my family, going to the pool, sleeping in, closing weekend of Cabaret, helping out with Storefront's first production, not being able to audition for (or even see) Midsummer...  I wish I could be in two (or twelve?) places at once!!!

It's great to be back, to see my friends here again, to be in Washington (where I'm not being knocked over by the oppressive MD heat & humidity!)  As I was on the shuttle from SEATAC to Ellensburg, I found myself again in awe at the absolute beauty of the state.  Even on an overcast, grey, rainy day I couldn't focus on completing any of my reading because of the beauty of the partially snowy mountains disappearing into the fog (clouds?), the waterfalls, the evergreen forests we were driving through...  I found myself thinking back to a lot of what Rachel Corrie wrote in her journals about the nature and beauty of Washington State and everything seemed to kind of come full circle.  Maybe (just maybe) I even got a little bit choked up, overwhelmed by being able to immerse myself in theatre again purely for myself, overcome by nature, ecstatic with the temporary feeling of freedom from the bureaucracy of the classroom...

I'm excited for this summer.  Now if I could just get on Washington time, everything would be pretty near perfect!  ...Maybe I will give in to that nap.

Dead Man's Cell Phone

So, whirlwind return from Washington State, jumping pretty much immediately into rehearsals for Dead Man's Cell Phone, whirling through the most insane start to a school year ever (Earthquake, hurricane, power outages and flooding insanity...), closing of DMCP, and now I have time to write again.

I'm literally just walking in the door after closing and striking Dead Man's Cell Phone at Milburn Stone, and it was easily one of the most exhilarating, challenging, fantastic theatre experiences I've had the privilege of being a part of.  It was one of those shows where I feel like I left a part of myself onstage.  I don't even know if I can put into words how pleased and proud and satisfied I feel about the whole production.  It was like a dream--  and not because it was easy, because it definitely was not.  There were rehearsals where I left (or started) near tears, there were panic moments, freakouts, confusion, frustration, questions, doubts, fear...  and they fueled me and challenged me to push my boundaries, really throw myself out there onstage, and I don't think I could be happier to have been part of a production that puts me through something like that.

My hands are bruised, bleeding, and sore from my next-to-last scene, and I couldn't be happier to have those battle scars.  Shows where you literally put blood, sweat and tears into them just mean more, you know?

The show, the script itself had such meaning for me, all about connections and love and the difficulty of those things in the face of technology and death...  Searching for those connections and wanting that so badly...  I'm really glad that the audiences (for the most part) had such a positive reaction to the production.  I couldn't have asked for a better of group of people to work with.  It's nice when you leave a production and you have friends and family there to greet you afterwards...  And I saw so many of my students and their parents who really enjoyed the production, and that really means a lot to me.  And family and friends who also found it powerful.  But the coolest part is the strangers who make a point to express how much the enjoyed the show.

Our review:

DEAD MAN'S CELL PHONE Really Rings

A lot of times I don't have enough faith in myself or my abilities...  And I think I'm starting to shed that insecurity a little bit.  Gaining confidence in what I am capable of doing, and getting on a firmer ground in my professional world.  I think that a lot of that might be coming from my experiences at CWU this summer, and shifting into DMCP, and starting to sprout and it feels damn good.

I'd like to thank MST for producing the show, and especially Marshall for casting me in this production.  I think that Theatre helps make me a better person, and this show has been one of those definitive building blocks.

Oops! 10 days have flown by...

Have I mentioned the word "Intensive" yet?  Probably.  This program is INTENSIVE.  I've been pretty much buried this past week and a half...

Design Methodologies class almost killed me, but I survived.  I do not consider myself an artist (funny, I just typed in "I am NOT an artist," but crossed it out...) and this class was all about drawing realistically.  It was exceedingly frustrating and was the first time a class made me really cry.  Apparently, everyone else wasn't able to hold out so long their first year here, so I'm pretty proud of making it through to that point.

I rocked my solo presentation in my morning class, Dramatic Lit.  That class absolutely kicks your ass, but I LOVE it.  Our professor is awesome, she's tough and pushes us for excellence.

I can't believe that I only have three more days left...  I'm exhausted, and I'm ready to go home and see my friends and sleep in my own much more comfortable bed, but I'm really going to miss the community here and the intellectual stimulation and challenges.  I'm really going to miss the friends I've made here.

This was initially going to be a longer post, but I realized if I don't wrap it up here, I'm going to be late for class!  Argh!